When Mom Is No Longer Mom

[Meditation Moment]

Meditation Moment #93
Jul-01-2002
http://www.bbc-cortland.org/medmoment/

When Mom Is No Longer Mom

So much of my life is the result of the investment of others. A friend of mine, in his Yogi Berra moments, has been known to say that everything original about him came from someone else. I am grateful for the men and women and young people whom God has brought across my path who, wittingly or unwittingly, have invested in my life. One such man is Kenton Briggs. He is a long-time member of our church here in Cortland. His personal testimony covers a wide range of issues in which he has demonstrated a willingness to think and act Christianly even though doing so has sometimes been costly. 

Recently our Outreach Committee approached Kenton about the possibility of putting together a tract on the issue of dealing with Alzheimer's in a loved one. Our church family, like many in these days, has watched a few of its members slip into various forms of dementia (with no apparent connection to my preaching) while other members have become entangled in caring for a loved one in dementia. My wife and I recently had to walk her Mom through a relatively short but nonetheless heartbreaking time of mental incapacitation. The reason Kenton Briggs was asked to put together some thoughts was because for several years he has been responsible for the care of his mother.

Arla Briggs was one of those wonderful people who model what a lady should be. Always proper and always faithful, she was an advertisement for the love of Christ whenever one was around her. She was an engaging conversationalist and a gifted hostess. It was a sad day when we at the church began to sense that she was slipping from us intellectually. With the hope that this will be helpful to some who may or may soon be facing this ordeal I now give you this message from Kenton Briggs.

"We first began to notice the change in Mom when her always full kitchen cupboards began to overflow out on to her counter tops. When we asked about the multiple cans of soup, many boxes of cake mix, etc., she would say they were on sale or somebody might come and she would need them. Even though we were uneasy we accepted her excuses. However, as time passed she began to have difficulty finding the right words while talking. She also began to find it difficult to understand and pay her bills.

"Ultimately the time came that we had been dreading. Mom's doctor, who had diagnosed Alzheimer's Disease, said that she could no longer drive or live alone. As I discussed this with my brother, who lived some distance away, and my sister, who lived in another state, we were faced with several options. None of the options were going to please our mother. We reasoned that Mom would wish to stay in her home. Therefore, it was decided that I would sell my home and move in with her. Moving day proved to be very difficult for her. The combining of two households and personalities created major changes in her lifestyle.

"Among the many difficult adjustments in those days was the matter of her medications. Because she had been a nurse, she did not want anyone to interfere with this routine task. However, I had to interfere when she did not remember to take a medication or became confused concerning the dosages that she was to take. One of the things this taught me was to try to work Mom through changes slowly. It was not easy, but eventually she agreed to let me give her the medications as needed.

"This was a difficult time for both Mom and me. There were many tears as she would try to use her stove to bake. Baking had been a joy of her life. Now, however, she could not read the recipes or set the timer. Many times food was burned. All of this was a great disappointment to her. Disappointing, too, was her loss of contact with people – especially the people in her local church. Because she found it so difficult to remember or make conversation she began to make more and more excuses to stay home rather than to go to church.

"In time Mom began to have more difficulty with her own personal care. When this happened we engaged an aide who came in the morning to bathe and dress her. As her condition continued to spiral downward it became evident that she needed twenty-four-hour a day care. After much prayer, investigation and soul searching, we placed her in a nursing facility. Her mind was still clear enough to understand that she was not at home. However, it was not clear enough to understand the necessity for this move. It broke our hearts to see her unhappy. We were convinced, however, that this was the correct thing to do.

"People have asked how I managed to deal with this difficult situation. As I have thought about this question I have come to the conclusion that it was perhaps easier for me than some others. That is because of my personal relationship with God. As a child I came to the realization that I was a sinner. Romans 3:23 tells us that "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." I realized, too, that this sin had destroyed my ability to approach, know and enjoy God. Romans 6:23 describes this as "death" and calls it the "wages of sin." Titus 3:5a helped me to understand that I could not earn this relationship with God through "works of righteousness which I have done." It also helped me to understand that I could gain access to God through His mercy. This mercy was what I needed and, since I could not earn it, I needed the mercy to be given to me freely without cost. God's willingness to give me such a free gift was described in John 3:16 – "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life." When I accepted this gift by believing on Christ I was born into the family of God. This intimate relationship allows me to draw upon the physical, emotional, and spiritual resources necessary to meet the challenge of Mom's illness. 

"Your challenges may be different than mine; but, your need of a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ is the same as mine. If you do not yet know God in this personal, intimate way, I urge you to consider carefully what I have shared with you."

Kenton Briggs

We here at Bible Baptist Church would be glad to interact with you on these things.




Pastor Comings
pastor@bbc-cortland.org